Today is Mia's birthday. We will have a party for her on Sunday, so hang tight for pictures.
I read so many adoptive mother's posts on their children's birthday, and so many mention how they think about the birthmother on this day. I have been struggling with this for so long. I have been trying to let go of all this anger I have built up against both of my daughter's birthmothers, so maybe if I write about it will go away.
I am mad at them. Furious. Especially Emma's, for reasons too private to share in this forums, as I really don't want her to know certain details about her abandonment. I must let it go. For my girls' sake and for my sanity.
Somebody recently put it into perspective for me. It is easy to judge, because I don't live in a country that forbids me from having more than one child. I don't leave in a country where if you have a visible birth defect, you cannot attend public school. I don't leave in a country where you have to ask for permission to get married, and if you have a baby our of wedlock, you have to hide it or get rid of it.
I get it, I really do. So, why am I still mad? These two girls are so smart and beautiful - who wouldn't want to love them and watch them grow every day of their life? I wanna be thankful like others that their birthmothers made this choice, so I could be their mom, but don't you think that if given a chance they would want to be raised by their birthparents???? Don't you think that they would have wanted to spend their first birthday with their mom and dad, and not in a cold orphanage? Yup, I still have a lot of anger, and this is still not helping me.
So maybe, I will just have to learn to live with it, and just keep reminding my girls that their birthmother loved them very much, whether I believe it or not. I just find it so hard to explain it to Emma, when she asks me why the man at the orphanage hit her in the head with a spoon when she was a bad girl, or to Mia, when she tells me that she cried for so long until I came and got her.....
This parenting stuff is not for sissies.....
Laura
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4 comments:
I have grieved over the fact that my Jadyn's birthmom will never know her, for the precious child that she is, for the things that she (birthmom)is missed out on. Sometimes it hurt so much.
Maybe I somehow have my head in the sand, I don't know. I don't think I've ever had anger though. I must just process things differently somehow.
Parenting isn't for sissies. So true. :)
I hear ya' and I feel it too. More toward one of my girls' b-moms more than the others though which is also hard. BUT, happy birthday to Mia who gets to spend another year healthy and loved and warm and fed well by her Italian Momma. :)
Happy Birthday Mia.
I feel the mixed feelings about my kiddos B-parents- glad they chose life, sad that they will not know Addie and Jax for the beautiful people that they have become, and mad/resentful at a government that forces families to only have one child.
Your feelings are OK and justified. Agreed - parenting is not for sissies :)
Take care, sending hugs your way.
Tracy
I think that being both an adoptee, and an adoptive mother, causes me to understand very deeply what you are feeling. I would love, and know in my heart it would be very healthy and cathartic, to let go of ANY anger I feel. But, at 35 years-old, try as I might and for a million different reasons, some anger lingers and it's so natural for all of us to deal with this in very different ways.
I hear you.
I feel what you're feeling. Without judgement.
Happy Birthday to your little Miss Mia.
XO
Stacy
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